This writing is in response to dozens of e-mail that were forwarded to me by women taking my Women’s Self Defense & empowerment Program (aka- the "Fight Like A Girl" and the "Rape Escape"program). Much of the information offered in this mass e-mail is misleading to say the least! Over the years I have received this e-mail dozens of times. In consulting with my partner and the creator of the Rape Escape program (Brad Parker - www.rapeescape.com ) we discovered that this mass e-mail has been in circulation since 2000 and has most likely mislead thousands of Women.
As reported by www.snopes.com the information contained in the “through a rapist’s eyes” e-mail was allegedly provided by David Portnoy at a Women’s safety seminar. Based upon my internet search Mr. Portnoy credibility can certainly be challenged. Snops list this advise as "FALSE!"
http://www.snopes.com/crime/prevent/rape.asp
Stay Safe!
Steve Kardian
www.DefendUniversity.com
Brad Parker
www.SteveKardian.com
"Our response posted in blue"
Through a Rapist's Eyes.
This is important information for females
of ALL ages. When this was sent to me, I was told to forward it to my lady
friends. I forwarded it to most everyone in my address book. My men
friends have female friends and this information is too important to miss someone.
Please pass it along. A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were
interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting
facts.
1) The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle
They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or
other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a
woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.
Not true! It’s not about you hair style, eye color or the clothing you are wearing. He is looking for an easy target and he wants to take advantage of the window of opportunity. The only thing that might be relevant is you may display a trait that reminds some of the “real sick ones” of something that “may” related to his abuse in the past.
2) The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for
women who’s clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry
scissors around specifically to cut clothing.
Not so! Regarding the clothing, however, some rapists do carry rape kits that “could” include scissors. I’ve seen rape kits that include cords, duct tape, condoms and lubricant.
3) They also look for women on their cell phone, searching through
their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are
off guard and can be easily overpowered.
True! Anything that causes you to be distracted and not concentrating on the many things going on around you is a trait the predator looks for. Walk assertively, with a purpose and DO NOT preoccupy yourself with activity that distract you.
4) Men are most likely to attack & rape in the early morning, between
5:00am. and 8:30am.
Not so! It is more likely to occur on nights between 6:00pm and 6:00am. Some feel most assaults occur on Friday night between 10:00pm and 6::00am Sunday morning with Monday is the being the day most sexual assaults are reported ( I have been told some studies indicate that Tuesday is the likely the report day) . Statistics also indicate that attacks are more prevalent during the warmer months.
5) The number one place women are abducted from/attacked is grocery
store parking lots . Number two is office parking lots/garages.
Number three is public restrooms.
Some kidnappings and sexual assaults do take place in parking lots and in public restrooms. I do know that since 70% percent of the time you will know your attacker so it would be likely to say that many of the attacks will occur in your home or the home of a friend, acquaintance or relative. However, there are some statistics which indicate that a significant percentage of attacks occur in or around your car.
6) The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman
and quickly move her to another location where they don't have to
worry about getting caught.
True! I tell my instructors, students and female loved ones that even if the predator has a gun or knife run, scream, drop to the ground and kick at him along his center line (groin, stomach and face). He’s using the compliant fear factor in that he wants you to comply with his wishes through fear. I would rather see him do what ever he’s intent upon doing there (primary crime scene) rather than be taken to the secondary crime scene where what he has in store for you is very likely to be more horrific than anything he can do to you at the primary crime scene. If you do resist the predator at the primary crime scene chances are that you will likely receive little or no injury.
7) Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year
sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.
Regarding weapons it’s approximately 7% of the time the predator will be armed as reported by the US dept of Justice Bureau of Justice Statistics for 2005, however, I have seen studies that show this number to be higher. Regarding the sentence, the predator, for the most part, does not consider this. Most predators believe they will never get caught. However, I believe there is anecdotal evidence which suggests that a rapist "knows" he can always find a weapon in your kitchen.
8) If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged
Because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after
you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.
50% of the time, if you even indicate that you are going to resist, the predator will more on to an easier target. If you fight back, scream, run or drop to the ground you have more than a 90% chance of surviving the attack with little or no injury.
9) These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or
similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.
Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker
To use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you’re
not worth it.
Again, not the predator’s primary consideration, because a predator could single out a victim who is carrying an umbrella, but still fits a good "victim" profile" or present herself as a "soft target!".
10) Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If someone is
following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an
elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a
question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: "I can't believe it is so cold out
here”, we’re in for a bad winter." Now you've seen their face and could identify them in
a line-up you lose appeal as a target.
Don’t afford him the opportunity to interact with you. You are giving him the opportunity to learn much about you. The statement below is from one of the foremost authorities on the subject.
In a stranger-rape situation, if he allows you to see his face, you get his name, or you can somehow otherwise identify your attacker, and he knows it, it’s all the more important to get away from him, even if he has a knife and you are risking injury. Because unless he’s quite inexperienced, he’s likely to kill you to leave no witnesses."
John Douglas, legendary FBI profiler
11) If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of
you and yell STOP or STAY BACK ! Most of the rapists this man talked
to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she
would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.
True!
12) If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of
it and carries it with him wherever he goes) yell I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY
and holding it out will be a deterrent.
As a pepper spray instructor one of the first things you learn is to “not announce its impending use.” Why afford him the opportunity to cover up or give him a reason to attack you at that very moment. If you carry pepper spray and you take it out you better be ready to use it at that very moment! The element of surprise is very much to your advantage. Also, keep it accessible and be familiar with how to use it so you can react under extreme stress. Sun Tzu said the eagle never shows it's talons before it attacks...
13) If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you
can by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from
behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm (between the elbow and armpit) OR
in the upper inner thigh VERY VERY HARD One woman in a class this guy taught
told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her
she was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands -
so the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as
you can stand it; it hurts.
This may get the attackers attention. Unfortunately, techniques like this fall under the "pain compliance" category. 64% of criminals are on some sort of intoxicant during their crime. The dirty secret about date rape is that alcohol is a huge factor. I would rather they employ a more mechanical method than a pain method. Have a follow up and back up plan.
14) After the initial hit, always GO for the GROIN. I know from a
particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it
is extremely painful You might think that you'll anger the guy and make
him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is
that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble and he's out of there.
Regarding the groin, we all know that it’s a very sensitive area of a mans body. I would compare it to your eyes in that when something gets near your eyes you automatically blink. The same goes for a mans groin, when something gets near that part of a mans body he will automatically react and move to avoid being hit there. Attacking the groin should be done with the element of surprise and or as a follow up attack. In any real-life situation you cannot "always say always or never say never."
15) When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two
fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure
pushing down on them as possible!. The instructor did it to me without using much
pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.
I'm worried about encouraging the guy to hit you in response to this technique. If someone is bending my fingers back, I'm not falling to my knees, I'm YANKING my hand back to escape the pain and then retaliating to re-gain control of the target victim.
16) Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware
of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see
any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, go with your instincts!!! You may feel a
little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.
Well said! Try not to feel silly and certainly don’t worry about your actions being seen as such.
1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your
body. If you are close enough to use it, do!
I would say the "best" weapon on your body is your brain. As for your personal weapons, for the upper body, your elbows and head (head butts) and for the lower body it’s your knees and legs.
2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans. If a robber asks
for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM . Toss it away
from you...chances are that he is more interested in your wallet
and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE
MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!
This guy wants your money, your body or your life and sometimes all three. It’s likely that he wants or needs (drugs) and green and gold (money & jewelry) will temporarily take care of that need. You also may want to try, if possible, dumping the contents of your purse onto the ground so you don’t end up loosing everything. Be sure not to carry your social security card in your wallet or purse. Make photo copies of everything in your wallet. Your license, credit cards, personal papers. So that in the event you have been robbed you can notify your credit card company before the perpetrator has a chance to use it.
3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back
tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like
crazy.. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.
Also, most new cars have a trunk release inside the trunk
4.Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping,
eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making
a list, etc.
(DON'T DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the
perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a
gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO
YOU’RE CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.
Also, have your key in your hand and scan the area you are in!
If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF,
repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything,
wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the
the backseat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run.
It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.
I would only do this as a last resort to save your life! The airbag may or may not save you. If the predator is seated directly behind you and you are involved in a front end collision the predator, if not wearing a seat belt, may very well be propelled into your head and neck and or he just might occupy the drivers seat with you.
5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or
Parking garage:
A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger
side door, and in the back seat.
B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the
passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling
them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their
cars.
C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and
the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest
your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a
guard/policeman to walk you back out.
A) Yes!
B) I saw that movie but it has happened before! A vehicle of any size can be used to facilitate a sexual assault. Try to park close to the entrance & try not to park when you are obstructed from view.
C) Yes, you may want to do this!
IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than
dead.)
Safe rather than sorry, yes! Being paranoid may well cause your good gift of intuition or your gift of fear to send off false signals that will in time cause you to be desensitized and not recognize danger when it presents itself! Kind of like when we hear the neighbors car alarm going off night after night. Gavin de Becker has a good book on the subject “The Gift Of Fear.”
6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are
Horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is
especially true at NIGHT!)
Yes!
7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control,
ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in
100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ..
RUN, preferably in a zig-zag pattern!
Do not allow yourself to be taken to a secondary crime scene. Chances are you’re not going to come back alive.
8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP. It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle which is when he abducted his next victim.
We all know this to be true and I show this very concept here...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wJTYwCZSJs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOrJHpXAU00
http://www.youtube.com/user/Fightlikeagirlusa#p/a/u/1/JqtAnbFYsN0
